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notalwaysright_feedRead Maybe They Should Retire From Committing Fraud
We sometimes have customers who have their parents try to call on their behalf. Even if they have the account number, we only accept calls from the account holders, not their parents. One time, I had some parents try to have their adult child's electricity cut off after learning that they're gay, so there are many reasons why we do this.
notalwaysright_feedRead Let’s See If Lying Pays Off
A customer calls in, gives me an account number, and says he wants to make a payment. He then states "his" name, birthdate, and even the last four digits of "his" social security number.
The issue? The account belongs to someone born in 1994 with a name that only became common in the last thirty years, let’s call him Tyler Smith. Meanwhile, the guy on the phone sounds like he’s pushing sixty.
notalwaysright_feedRead This Day Was Un-Beer-lievable, But In A Good Way!
Customer: "I'll have a Bud Light."
Me: "I'm sorry, we don’t have any domestics, but I have a great lager and a Pilsner on tap. I can give you a taste if you like?"
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ru_strugackienotalwaysright_feedRead Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger
Employee #1: *Tentatively.* "Hey again! Just wondering if you needed—"
Me: *Sharp this time.* "—No. I said I’m okay."
He looks sheepish and leans in like he’s sharing a secret.
Employee #1: "Sorry… I know. It’s just that my manager… he makes us ask. Like, constantly."
notalwaysright_feed
The lady behind the counter looks to be the only one working, so she quickly takes the kids' orders before turning her back to focus on prepping their drinks. Without hesitation, one of the children slipped their hand into the nearby tip jar and grabbed a bill that was closest to the top.
notalwaysright_feedRead Derailed By This Train Of Thought
It then dawned on me that he assumed the same PHYSICAL train he arrived in would be the one taking him back to Leeds, and would simply have been waiting around for several hours. A bit like a chauffeur-driven vehicle.
notalwaysright_feedRead The Mousetrap (Now in Paperback!)
Me: "Oh no. What's wrong with it?"
Coworker: "I'm not entirely certain, but it stinks."
Me: "Stinks as in is something's rough about it, or stinks as in actually smells bad?"
Coworker: "The smell. There's a.... miasma."
notalwaysright_feedRead Call Of Duty: Misogynist Warfare, Part 8
I'm at a video game store, browsing some new releases. Another customer sees a new release featuring a female protagonist and scoffs.
Customer: "More woke bulls***."
I roll my eyes and intend to move on and ignore him, but my eyeroll must have been obvious.
Customer: *To me.* "You don't think so?! Huh?!"
notalwaysright_feedThis story reminded me of how my parents dealt with our (my brother and me) lice. When we were in primary school, we often brought lice home. Our parents would use normal shampoo and then apply a lotion with a very strong alcohol odor. For my brother, it was quick, as he had short hair […]
notalwaysright_feedRead No Accounting for Confidence
Coworker: "Why did you give that money? I would've offered less."
Me: "I didn't offer it. It's what the judge told us to pay."
Coworker: "Ah, yes, but that's the thing with judges. If you pay less, most people just accept it anyway. And you know our clients? They barely have a cent! If you paid half, they would still feel like a millionaire!"
Me: "That's... not how things work."
notalwaysright_feedRead The Only Shortcut There Is To The Darwin Awards
Me: "Hey! That tape’s there for a reason. It’s really stupid to go past it when people are working above you."
Customer: *In a huff.* "It’s fine!"
Me: "No, it’s not fine. It’s f****** moronic."
notalwaysright_feedRead A Bit Delayed, But Their Dot-Com Bubble Finally Burst
Customer: "Something really strange has happened to my email, and I need you to fix it. This 'dot com' has appeared on my email address, and I don't want it."
notalwaysright_feedRead Saying ‘Pasta La Vista’ To Logic
Coworker: "I ate so much pasta, but I actually ended up losing a little weight! They must be using special pasta! Everyone there was eating pasta and drinking wine, and they were all so skinny!"
Me: "Okay, but how much walking did you do?"
notalwaysright_feedRead We Hope To Never Be In The Same Boat As Them
We get a call late one night from one of our regulars, a nice man with a pretty big boat.
Regular: "Oh, hey [My Name]. I know you repair boats in the water or backyards, but umm... can you help with one on the side of the road?"
notalwaysright_feedRead Sometimes, Kids Can Be A Gas
A few weeks ago, mum and dad took us (my two younger brothers and me) to visit our grandparents in Kent. The highlight was when Granddad let us explore the attic and learn some family history. Among all the dusty boxes was Great-Grandpa’s old gas mask from the war.
notalwaysright_feedRead Don’t Sit On Calling It Babysitting
Older Woman: "I love to see a man doing the babysitting... are you giving his mum a break?"
To which he replies:
Parent: "I am HER MUM. I just haven't had a chance to look after myself much with a newborn."
notalwaysright_feedRead What A Momster
The boy freezes up and stutters out some syllables.
Woman: *Shouting.* "Why do you always waste everybody's time like this?"
Boy: "M-Mom I—"
Woman: "So, order now for all of us, c'mon!"
Read What A Momster
notalwaysright_feedContent warning: pregnancy/labour shit Last week, my sister gave birth to my nibling (Nibbles). Yesterday she shared with me the story of her labour, which is quite terrifying, and I got her permission to share it here. Please blame any discrepancies on my shoddy memory and lack of familiarity with childbirth, I was freaking out […]
notalwaysright_feed - Maybe They Should Retire From Committing Fraudnotalwaysright_feed - Let’s See If Lying Pays Offnotalwaysright_feed - This Day Was Un-Beer-lievable, But In A Good Way!silent_gluk in ru_strugackie - Любопытно...notalwaysright_feed - Badger, Badger, Badger, Badgernotalwaysright_feed - They Tipped Their Handnotalwaysright_feed - Derailed By This Train Of Thoughtnotalwaysright_feed - Coin Lossnotalwaysright_feed - The Mousetrap (Now in Paperback!)notalwaysright_feed - Call Of Duty: Misogynist Warfare, Part 8notalwaysright_feed - (no subject)notalwaysright_feed - No Accounting for Confidencenotalwaysright_feed - The Only Shortcut There Is To The Darwin Awardsnotalwaysright_feed - A Bit Delayed, But Their Dot-Com Bubble Finally Burstnotalwaysright_feed - Saying ‘Pasta La Vista’ To Logicnotalwaysright_feed - We Hope To Never Be In The Same Boat As Themnotalwaysright_feed - Sometimes, Kids Can Be A Gasnotalwaysright_feed - Don’t Sit On Calling It Babysittingnotalwaysright_feed - What A Momsternotalwaysright_feed - (no subject)timeasmymeasure
